Believe in Yourself

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

I am not religious in any way but I have always found this quote to be incredibly inspirational as it reminds us that we don’t need permission from others to be exactly who we are and that hiding our achievements and diminishing our dreams for the sake of others serves no-one. I think that many of us are much better than we think we are but we have chosen to believe all the bad things that were ever said about us and to learn from the negative experiences that life has thrown at us. Perhaps now is the time to remember the compliments, the admiration, the motivation and, above all, the love that others have shown us. Maybe we should turn our focus towards the positive and our backs on the negative.

Life is a gift which is only ever given to us once. We can bitch, moan and complain about it or we can appreciate it for the priceless, unique, fragile thing that it is. We were not made to exist in a vacuum of self-doubt and fear, we were made to live………it’s all about life ;O)

believe in yourself

 

Have a wonderful day everyone! Lisa xx

To See the World….

As it is, cold and violent

Strange and cruel

As it is, pure and silent

Sacred jewel

As it is, cold and violent

Strange and cruel

As it is, pure and silent

Sacred jewel

As it is, filled with pain and fear

Suffering abounds

As it is, filled with love so clear

A merry go round

As it is, calm or wild

Viewed through eyes

Of adult or child?

If we can all keep just a little of the wonder and innocence that we had as a child, the world, surely, would be a happier place……just a thought…

Have a wonderful day

Lisa x

 

Putting on the Ritz….

Can I be honest with you? I didn’t want to say anything before in case I put the mockers on it but I really wasn’t looking forward to going back to the UK last week. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see my friends and family but I find that these trips bring lots of little anxieties that, when added together, leave me feeling more than a little stressed out….

Can I be honest with you? I didn’t want to say anything before in case I put the mockers on it but I really wasn’t looking forward to going back to the UK last week. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see my friends and family but I find that these trips bring lots of little anxieties that, when added together, leave me feeling more than a little stressed out….

IMG_3344I don’t really like to fly alone as I find it very boring and it’s not really socially acceptable to grab a strangers hand during a bout of turbulence! This time I had a window seat. I’d like to say that this was allocated by the airlines and was just bad luck (I really don’t like heights) but I’d reserved the seat myself; not enough attention paid or a sub-conscious choice? After establishing that the people in the seat next to me were not the chatty type I decided to close my eyes and pretend to be asleep whilst my stomach turned somersaults…..then something changed. I remembered that excitement has the same physical manifestations as fear. I looked out of the window during take-off and many times during the flight and, do you know what, it was incredible! For the first time I didn’t imagine myself plummeting to the ground and exploding in a ball of flame; I actually felt the excitement of flying…..

Another major cause for anxiety had been revisiting the places where my husband and I had spent a lot of time together and also meeting up with my step-daughter; I have wonderful, wonderful memories associated with both but, at the same time, they both bring pain because they are physical reminders that he’s no longer with me. This time I allowed the memories to come flooding back and accepted the tears that came with them. My step-daughter and I talked openly and honestly about our feelings; we didn’t put on false cheer but cried together, two souls understanding each other’s pain. We were closer in that moment than we had been for a long time and it was wonderful……..

Next I went to visit a dear friend. We were at school together so that will give you an idea of how many years we’ve known each other! She is one of the strongest, kindest people I know and she is battling a very rare type of brain tumour. We haven’t seen each other for a couple of years but all trepidation was put aside; it was as though we’d never been apart. We talked, laughed, reminisced and cried and it all felt totally natural and very, very special…….

IMG_6314Next: I’m not a huge fan of crowds but when my parents proposed that we spend the day in London I thought ‘why not’? I braved the tube and even the loos at the station (awful in case  you were wondering AND they charged 50p for the privilege!). We walked for a few minutes and arrived at The Ritz, there I saw the doorman in full livery which included a top hat. The thought went through my mind that he could make a great addition to a selfie (sad I know). Normally the thought would have left as quickly as it arrived but, on this day, I marched straight up to him and asked if he would mind being in a photo. He agreed readily and was absolutely charming to boot…….

Later on we walked past a jewelers in the Burlington Arcade where I was brought to an abrupt halt by a large diamond that flashed and twinkled at me in a very seductive manner. After forcibly prising my nose from the window, my Dad suggested that I should go in and ask the price as I was obviously so taken with it (was it the drool on my chin that gave it away do you think?). Now, let’s be clear at this point: there were no prices on anything in the window, and you know what they say about having to ask, and you couldn’t just walk in, you had to ring the bell and then wait to see if they liked the look of you. After umming and ahhrring for several moments I pushed the bell and, somewhat surprisingly they ushered me in with a warm smile. I asked to see the ring which was duly presented, with great reverence, on a cushion of black velvet. Ohhhh it was beautiful and a perfect fit so obviously we were meant to be together; I was in love….

It was a that moment that I noticed a very discreet price ticket. I had to read it a couple of times just to make sure that I hadn’t misplaced a decimal point but, no, it did actually say £29,500.00. Hmmmmm! So there I was in a locked shop wearing a ring that carried the same price tag as a small car…what to do? I looked up at the assistant and said very calmly

“It’s beautiful but honestly, now it’s on,  I think that it’s just a bit too flashy for my taste”

Yes, alright, it wasn’t exactly honest but I couldn’t bring myself to scream “how much”????? and then rip it off my finger as though it was a burning brand before storming out of the shop like the hounds of hell were at my heels. Instead I took the slightly duplicitous but altogether more elegant route. I said my goodbyes and the assistant remained utterly charming despite the fact that she hadn’t managed to part me from almost 30 grand in exchange for a small sparkly rock – sanity had prevailed.

I should point out that I have fallen prey to shop assistants in luxury stores before who have managed to separate me from my cash by using sneaky techniques like telling me I look wonderful in whatever it is they are trying to sell. Do you know what I mean? Standing in the shop, in front of the mirror, you are convinced that you will wear/use said item all the time – you get back home, wonder what on earth you were thinking and shove it to the back of the wardrobe where it glares at you reproachfully for ever more.

Anyway, that was my trip back to Blighty. There were smiles, laughs and tears but I am really glad I went; my comfort zone was expanded and I remembered what it was like to be me, without all the bad memories forcing me to put on a false front….

Have a wonderful day everyone and thanks for stopping by :O)

Lisa x

Time to Put on My Big Girl Panties…

One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…

One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…

Instead of writing about the negative shit that I’ve been feeling lately (which I am sure contributes to the miseries), I am going to use this post to kick myself up the arse until I am back at the fork in the road again and can start walking on the path that leads to happiness. Here goes:

FearThe only thing that stops you having the life you want is fear and what is fear? It’s nothing more than a chemical reaction to the pictures that your imagination creates. That’s the equivalent of being scared by a movie for God’s sake! The really daft thing about it is that you don’t even have to watch the movie, you’ve written the script and chosen the images so change them! You are not Mystic Meg, you have no idea what the future will bring: essentially, you are scared of something which does not yet exist…….

The headaches, tiredness, tension in your shoulders? All caused by stress and stress is nothing more than worrying about something that may or may not happen. How will that serve you? Life will throw things at you, both good and bad, deal with them head on. Don’t waste time analysing and over-thinking because that will change diddly squat; it’s your actions that matter.

The fluttering in your stomach, heart beating faster? Those are the physical manifestations of fear BUT they are also the physical manifestations of excitement; you get EXACTLY those feelings when you’re having the time of your life on a jet ski or a motorbike; accept them as such. You are not scared of meeting new people or having new experiences, you are excited by it!

mind-reader-i-am-notIf you meet someone new and they don’t like you,  so what? It doesn’t mean that you are not fundamentally likeable, it’s just that you haven’t made a good connection with another human being. Why worry about it, there are another 7.5 billion other humans out there, go and make a connection with one of them. Anyway, why do you worry so much about what other people might think? You can’t know because you’re not a mind reader, you just imagine their thoughts based on your own negative self image. All this low self-esteem nonsense doesn’t come from other people, it comes from you; you don’t think you’re worth it, you don’t really like yourself so why should anyone else? Well, you know what? You are all you’re going to get, there isn’t another you on standby so focus on the good stuff….(this is the hard bit, deep breath)………

You are kind, intelligent, funny, compassionate, loyal and sincere. You have a beautiful smile. You are affectionate. You are loveable. You were loved by the most wonderful man in the World because you are worth loving. You are generous. You have an infectious laugh. You’re a good writer. You are honest. For all these reasons and more, you deserve to be happy; let yourself be happy Lisa…..

If you try something new you might not like it………..and? What’s worse – trying something new and not enjoying it or sitting around, feeling miserable and waiting for someone else to hand you a happy life on a plate? It doesn’t work like that Lisa, the only person who can change the way that you’re feeling at the moment is you! Stop hiding behind the excuses ‘I’m shy’, ‘I don’t have any self-confidence’, ‘I’m grieving’ because they are just that, they are things you tell yourself to justify your fears.

At the root of all of it, the fear of people leaving you because loss is what started all this in the first place. Think about this logically: if you don’t get close to anyone because you’re scared you’ll end up alone aren’t you creating a self-fulfilling prophesy? You push people away and hide from the World – that’s called being alone and it’s your choice but it’s not what you want so STOP IT!! Open up, be vulnerable, be yourself, love other people and let them love you, yes they may leave but they may not and, at the very least, you can enjoy the time that you spend with them NOW.

AcceptHere’s a final reminder before I kick your backside out the front door and into a better life: You don’t do regret, you never have because you can’t see any point in it. You can’t change the past, you did what you did and said what you said and that’s that.  So here’s my question for you: do you want to get to the end of your life, which could be in 20 years time or in the next 5 minutes, and think ‘I wish I had’? No? Didn’t think so……

This post was prompted by 3 things:

A comment from my lovely friend Tom

A comment from my best friend Will

A comment from the voice in my head (stop being so fucking miserable, in case you were wondering).

The desire to change my life, for the better, stemmed from words; they have such power don’t they? It’s just a case of knowing which ones to listen to….

I’m going to enjoy my day to day and I hope that you do the same :O)

Lisa x

 

 

 

Fighting Amongst Yourself

Have you ever had a fight with yourself? I don’t mean taking yourself by the scruff of the neck and throwing yourself over the back of the sofa, more a fight within the confines of your own mind. I believe the technical term is ‘internal dialogue’, when the exchange is calm and productive, this is more of an ‘internal slanging match’. It’s as though your thoughts suddenly take against each other……

Have you ever had a fight with yourself? I don’t mean taking yourself by the scruff of the neck and throwing yourself over the back of the sofa, more a fight within the confines of your own mind. I believe the technical term is ‘internal dialogue’, when the exchange is calm and productive, this is more of an ‘internal slanging match’. It’s as though your thoughts suddenly take against each other……

Usually it begins with a single, simple phrase that runs through your mind, dragging a negative, but all too willing, emotion along with it

“I can’t do this!”  says the Captain of team doubt, accompanied by Sergeant Anxiety.

“Of course you can, it’s a wonderful opportunity”

The Captain of team positive thinking takes centre stage flanked by a couple of pom pom waving cheer leaders from Camp self-esteem

“I can’t, it’s too much pressure, I know it’s going to be a disaster”

Team doubt have been joined by Fear (always a big player) and a couple of rejects from Camp self-esteem who were kicked out for ‘not playing well with others’.

“We’ve talked about this. You cannot know what will happen; let go of control and just go where life takes you”

cheerleadersTeam positive thinking have recruited self-confidence (who did not come willingly) The cheerleaders are busy chanting motivational quotes and trying to work out how to build a human pyramid with just the two of them.

 

“Oh bugger off you bloody hippy, what do you know about it”

The rejects from Camp self-esteem take this opportunity to wrestle the pom poms from the cheerleaders and start hitting self-confidence over the head with them; not an eager participant in the first place, he makes a run for it.

“I’m you, you blithering idiot!”

At this point both sides will realise what a nonsense their battle really is or they’ll both take serious offence and launch an all out attack on each other, which results in the owner of the warring thoughts having to lie down in a darkened room for a couple of days.

Viewing my inner dialogue scraps like this is the only way that I can keep them from drawing battle lines and really wrecking my life. Today, I enlisted the help of Common Sense who is currently standing in the middle of the two protagonists with his arms folded and a stern ‘don’t mess with me you bastards’ look on his face.

Why is all this necessary? Well, a couple of my closest friends have organised a surprise for me today.

“I don’t like surprises”

“How do you know, you don’t know what it is, that’s the point of surprises”

“Oh, sod off with your bloody logic, I know what I don’t like”

Sorry, guys, I need to go and give Common Sense a hand, they seem to be giving him a wedgie……..

See you later

Lisa x

 

 

There Must be More…..

to life than this. Have you ever thought that, when you were having a bad day, when nothing seemed to be going your way? Maybe you felt at the end of your tether, that life just seems to be an endless slog, every day the same with nothing ever getting any better?

to life than this. Have you ever thought that, when you were having a bad day, when nothing seemed to be going your way? Maybe you felt at the end of your tether, that life just seems to be an endless slog, every day the same with nothing ever getting any better?

I have felt like that more times than I care to count over the last few years but recently I’ve woken up to something – there isn’t more than life, there is only how you view it. It sounds horribly cliched to say it but many of the problems that we have in life are caused by focusing on what we don’t have, rather than what we do have. In looking for complex solutions, we often miss the simple things that could give us pleasure if we would but notice them:

IMG_5235 (1)
Mother Nature is always waving her arms at us and saying ‘look!’. She creates beautiful things for us every day, despite the fact that we often do our best to ruin them
New York
We can’t always have a stunning view but we can always find something to make us smile if we look hard enough…
circle-friends-having-fun-together
We can enjoy the time that we spend with our friends and family: the people that we love and who love us
solitude
But there is pleasure to be found in quiet solitude….
IMG_0999
There will be time for adventure, for adrenaline rushes and wild excitement…
Contemplation
Equally, we can take pleasure from the moments when our hearts and minds are still and quiet…
Baby
There is beauty in the young…. 
old ladies
There is beauty in the old……

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

animals
There is beauty in the animal world….
lotus-flowers
And a simple flower can be the most beautiful of all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So, the next time you think ‘there must be more to life than this’, just remember that there isn’t and then just think ‘isn’t it wonderful!’

Lisa

x