Buttocks and Cheese

Apparently I have a defective buttock. I have been reliably informed, by my Pilates instructor, that it has gone to sleep to the point of being comatose which means that my right buttock cheek is having to carry the lazy little bastard. What this means, in practical terms, is that my right buttock is constantly poking my pain sensors in a desperate attempt to get my attention and tell me to give it a rest for a couple of days.

Apparently I have a defective buttock. I have been reliably informed, by my Pilates instructor, that it has gone to sleep to the point of being comatose which means that my right buttock cheek is having to carry the lazy little bastard. What this means, in practical terms, is that my right buttock is constantly poking my pain sensors in a desperate attempt to get my attention and tell me to give it a rest for a couple of days.

Being a stubborn sort I decided that I am not going to be dictated to by my own buttock so I’ve been ignoring it and just hoping that it will man up and realise that it can do the work of two. It can’t, apparently, and this morning I was forced to apologise to it and submit to a heavy duty sports massage.

I’ve telling my Pilates teacher for ages that she should carry a leather belt for clients to bite down on during this type of massage but she insists it’s just a matter of focusing on something else and breathing through the pain. To this end, during my last deep tissue massage she asked my to name my 3 favourite cheeses. I should explain at this point that she has a severe cheese addiction, made worse by living on the border between France and Italy. What those two nations can do with cheese makes gourmets everywhere weep with lust.

Anyway, I digress, I did as she asked and, ever since, I seem to have developed a Pavlovian response to pain. During a particularly painful buttock prodding moment this morning an image of Gouda with cumin seeds popped into my head completely unprompted. Oddly the pain receded and my buttock has, for the time being, entered a more relaxed state. As for the left one, I’m tempted to just poke it with a fork until it wakes up and starts earning its keep!

Bit of a strange morning really! How are things with you guys

Lisa

x

DOMS!

Anyone who works out or just strenuously exercises will have experienced this at some point or another; the pain usually creeps up on you 2 or 3 days after the event and, I must be honest, depending on the muscles you’ve overworked, it’s not pleasant.

“Oh God that hurts!!”

“I know and you asked for it”

“But I enjoyed it at the time”

“You should have said stop when I told you to…..”

Yep, that’s me having a conversation with myself when I’m suffering from DOMS, a self-inflicted pain brought on by having too much fun at the gym. If you’re wondering what the hell goes on at my gym and how you can get membership, I should explain that DOMS stands for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness. So why the picture? Well 1. I love the boots and 2. it got your attention didn’t it? ;O)

Tired gymAnyone who works out or just strenuously exercises will have experienced this at some point or another; the pain usually creeps up on you 2 or 3 days after the event and, I must be honest, depending on the muscles you’ve overworked, it’s not pleasant. The worst, for me, is DOMS in the stomach muscles (Abs and obliques); that is an absolute shocker and can leave you feeling really uncomfortable and even a little sick for a few days. I suppose that begs two questions:

  1. Why does it happen?
  2. Why put yourself through that?

The first one is tricky because no-one is entirely sure. When we really work our muscles hard they will grow bigger and stronger as a result of the changes that happen at cellular level. Not to get too scientific about it – the cells throw a wobbly, the body panics a bit and sense pain signals up to the brain.

Planks
In case you were wondering about the Pilates planks….

Why put yourself through it? Personally I love the challenge of pushing my muscles to the point where I just can’t do any more. Collapsing face down, sweaty and out of breath on a mat is not pretty for anyone watching but, if its as a result of getting through a complete plank series for the first time, you will feel amazing. It’s the same as going up a weight when you bench press; the fact that you have the power in your body to do what you couldn’t a few weeks ago is a real buzz!

Anyway, if you get DOMS, what can you do about it?

  • First thing and probably the most important is not to stress about it – accept it for what it is, know it will go away and try to keep your muscles in the surrounding areas relaxed.
  • Keep moving and stretch. Sitting in the same position for hours will not make the pain go away, in fact it could make it worse. Try some light yoga exercises to keep everything moving; these are especially useful if your abs are suffering.
  • You can use both heat and ice on the affected area which will give you some relief but neither will take the pain away – only time’s going to do that I’m afraid.
  • You can take pain killers, specifically anti-inflammatory like Ibuprofen, but, as these will mask the pain for a while don’t be fooled into thinking that your muscles are ready for another bashing. In fact, if you can, avoid taking pain killers and try natural anti-inflammatories such as leafy greens and ginger (great juice idea right there!)
  • Massage will also help and, let’s face it, who doesn’t love a good massage.
Cobra pose
Cobra pose is a great way to stretch out sore abs…

There you have it – DOMS in a nutshell – that just brings a whole other picture to mind :O)

Have a great day everyone x