Apparently I Need Help…….

This may not come as a shock to those of you who know me and I do wonder myself some days but I was quite surprised to be told that I need help by a journalist. The fact that it wasn’t just me she was addressing but all ‘women over 50’ didn’t make me feel any better! So, what now? Another bit of me is going to dry up or drop off? A scientist has decided that I should stop going to the gym because my skeleton is busy crumbling to dust inside my wrinkled skin?

This may not come as a shock to those of you who know me and I do wonder myself some days but I was quite surprised to be told that I need help by a journalist. The fact that it wasn’t just me she was addressing but all ‘women over 50’ didn’t make me feel any better! So, what now? Another bit of me is going to dry up or drop off? A scientist has decided that I should stop going to the gym because my skeleton is busy crumbling to dust inside my wrinkled skin?

Nope, none of the above. Apparently I need help to find a swimming costume (WTF? I hear you say, as well you may). It seems that, as a result of my advancing years, I will develop a phobia of 20 something girls in bikinis and, every time I go swimming, I’ll need to tread water for days at a time in case one of the young lovelies sees me and mocks my aging body. Apparently, for me, bikinis are no longer an option because my ‘jiggly belly’ will be exposed and my boobs have plunged.

1920 swimming costumeThe journalist advocated that, to avoid all this trauma, I should spend £140 on a swimming costume which is the aquatic version of Spanx; apparently the low cut leg and wide straps should make me feel less ‘self-conscious’. What is the thinking behind this I wonder? Does the journalist assume that an over 50 lady garden will have run riot to the point that a high cut leg will be unable to contain the expanding hedgerow? Maybe she’s thinking of the back view, perhaps 50 year old arses cannot be trusted to remain contained in anything other than reinforced long drawers? Will the wide straps ensure that my boobs won’t try to make a bid for freedom and swipe someone round the back of the knees?

I’m not really sure what I’m more insulted about to be honest:

  • The fact that my advancing years mean that I no longer have the mental capacity to  buy a swimsuit without ‘help’
  • The fact that it’s been suggested that anyone over 50 shouldn’t be wearing a bikini
  • The fact that, allegedly, reaching your 50th birthday comes with a free gift of paranoia and a fear of what 20 something’s might think

All of the above I think. I bought 2 bikinis this summer, all by myself. They are both halterneck and high leg and, to my knowledge nothing escaped (well except that time when I went diving and one boob fell out but, what the hell, I was under water and managed to pop it back in before anyone noticed).

micro bikiniWhilst I am ready to admit I have a certain degree of envy when I look at the perky little 20 something’s in their dental floss bikinis I certainly don’t imagine that they have any thoughts about me at all. All they seem to be thinking about are the 20 something hunks, flashing their abs and their perfect white teeth which is just as it should be!

At the end of this journalistic master piece the author asked “Is it just me”? Yes love, it’s just you; I’m not giving up my bikini any time soon for you or anyone else……

What do you think? Should older women be more ‘discreet’ in what they wear or should we be free to let it all hang out and have fun? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you.

Lisa x