Just Do it 3 Times……

Have you ever read something on the internet and thought ‘that just has to be a joke’ and then you realise that it isn’t and you start banging your head gently on the nearest hard surface and wondering when everyone went mad? It’s never anything major, just a little something which immediately brings to mind the immortal words of John McEnroe, “You cannot be serious!”

Have you ever read something on the internet and thought ‘that just has to be a joke’ and then you realise that it isn’t and you start banging your head gently on the nearest hard surface and wondering when everyone went mad? It’s never anything major, just a little something which immediately brings to mind the immortal words of John McEnroe, “You cannot be serious!”

You cannot be seriousThe latest of these seems to be an attempt to alter basic biology whilst at the same time making men feel guilty about something that is in no way their fault. It’s lauded as being a way to ‘bring colleagues together’. What am I talking about? The menopause. Apparently it should not be a ‘women only‘ issue. Hmmmmmm? How’s that going to work then?

Is someone going to follow all the men in the office with a portable steamer in hand and shove it down the front of their shirt every hour or so? Will their skin be given a good going over with sand paper and then blasted with salt every few days? Will they be woken up in the middle of the night by someone drenching them in warm water? Perhaps someone will invent a mood destabiliser that will take their emotional state from ‘I love you so much’ to ‘Will you stop annoying me! If you have to breathe do it quietly’ in a matter of minutes. There could be a scientists out their right now working out how to artificially dry out their lady bits……oh no wait they don’t have lady bits…….

Nope we can forget all that, apparently the way to bring colleagues together is for men to say ‘menopause’ during the working day, preferably 3 times; presumably they then click their red slippers and instantly have a hot flush. What the actual F is wrong with these people?????? Is there more to it than that you ask, well yes there is; does it make any more sense you’re wondering? No, it doesn’t.

The other thing menopausal women can do to help colleagues understand their symptoms is to jot them down in a communal book, I wonder how that would read?

“I just accidentally sat on a spider and now it’s dead, I can’t stop crying”

“If John from accounting doesn’t stop with that ridiculous laugh of his I’m going to go over there and force feed him his stapler”

“I’ve just taken off 4 of my 5 layers of clothing, my hair’s all over the place, I’m sweating, my face is like a boiled beetroot and someone just had a go at me for wearing my vest in the office…..and now I’m freezing, has anyone seen my jumper?”

“I think I’m going to have to stock up on my supply of KY jelly on the way home”

“My boobs are going to end up touching my navel at this rate”

“When did my skin start looking so old”

I have to scream nowIt could be one woman jotting all this down before lunchtime. Please tell me how it will be of any benefit at all to her male colleagues to have this kind of insight? Would the women in the office benefit from knowing, in lurid detail, the emotional and psychological problems caused by erectile disfunction? Perhaps companies could start a book for that:

“Vigorous stimulation last night caused slight friction burns and I think I’ve got a touch of RSI”

“Is it wrong that I only succeeded last night by visualising Joan in the warehouse, sitting on the forktruck in nothing but thigh high waders?”

Perhaps, instead, we should stop all of this bloody nonsense and remember that men and women are different and no amount of sharing or chanting the word ‘menopause’ 3 times a day is going to change that.

What do you think? Is this a forward thinking initiative or a load of old bollocks?

I’d love to hear from you :O)

Lisa x

 

 

 

 

This Post is Not for Everybody…

So, if you’re not a menopausal woman whose deepest desire is for someone to invent a stylish hat with an inbuilt fridge, you can probably look away now. For those of you still with me, if the bain of your life is hot flushes (flashes for the American contingent),  I think I’ve found something that will help.

So, if you’re not a menopausal woman whose deepest desire is for someone to invent a stylish hat with an inbuilt fridge, you can probably look away now. For those of you still with me, if the bain of your life is hot flushes (flashes for the American contingent),  I think I’ve found something that will help.

I’m a huge fan of acupuncture because I’ve never had anything that it couldn’t treat (except a polyp in my colon but that required someone chopping bits out of me) and my current acupuncturist knows pretty much all there is to know about Chinese herbology. Bearing this in mind I asked her what she could recommend for hot flushes as it’s currently over 30 degrees here and several times a day I feel as though my head could, quite literally, explode.

This is what she came up with and 3 days in, guess what? It works!!!!!

celebration

Take the rind of a watermelon (you can just eat the flesh – that’s what I did ;O) ), chop it up and leave it to stew in a cup of hot water for a few minutes and then drink. It’s that simple; hot flushes are now down to one or two a day as opposed to one or two an hour.

Thought I’d share this with you, my fellow sufferers, let me know if it works.

Have a good one

Lisa x