FOWC: Metamorphosis

“Can she hear us do you think?” The voice was strained and anxious

‘Yes, I can hear you but I can’t see you; where are you? Where am I?’

“Doctor, it’s been 3 months, do you think that there’s any chance at all now that she’ll recover? Please be honest” The plea was desperate, there was naked longing in the voice which cried out for an answer, any answer.

“Can she hear us do you think?” The voice was strained and anxious

‘Yes, I can hear you but I can’t see you; where are you? Where am I?’

“Doctor, it’s been 3 months, do you think that there’s any chance at all now that she’ll recover? Please be honest” The plea was desperate, there was naked longing in the voice which cried out for an answer, any answer.

‘Who are they talking about?’ There was no fear, there was nothing to fear in this place but she was curious

‘You’ The word was a gentle sigh that softly touched her cheek

Standing before her, bringing a subtle illumination to the darkness was the shape of a man; she couldn’t quite call him a man as he had a fluidity that does not exist within the human realm but he had a male presence. She was reminded of her Father. There were no clear features that would bring her to this conclusion but she felt a sense of belonging that enveloped her.

‘Why? There’s nothing wrong with me’ She was indignant, she felt healthier than she ever had in her life; her body had a lightness to it that she’d never experienced before. She was sure that she could run all day without tiring in the slightest. She smiled; it was a wonderful thought. As it entered her mind a field unraveled before her eyes; bright golden corn raised up before her, she could smell the damp earth as if it were soaked with summer rain. In the distance there was a glade of trees and the light from the sun played between the branches, illuminating, in turn, bright green leaves and the mossy floor beneath.

“I’m sorry but there really is nothing more that we can do, I’ll leave you to say your goodbyes and then we’ll shut down the machines…….” The words were delivered with a gentle compassion but with an unequivocal finality.

‘It’s time’ The soft tones of her Father’s voice reached her ear. Was it her Father? How could it be? She’d lost him so many years ago…….but…….

She turned her face away from the swaying corn and the seductive play of light in the glade and turned to face the being that bathed her in such subtle surety.

‘Time for what?’ She turned her head back to the trees that seemed to be calling her; the lightness that she’d felt before was almost overwhelming her and a place between her shoulder blades was tingling.

“Goodbye my love” The voice broke, the words, unwilling to be formed, stuck in the man’s throat.

She turned towards the voice but could see nothing; there was a deep desire within her to run towards it but the glade called to her, pulling her, the very earth was seducing her with its soft warm smell..

‘Please don’t be sad, not for me. Goodbye’

As the word hung in the air for a brief moment she had a strange sensation; something was erupting from within her and it brought with it power, a freedom that was entirely new to her. From the corner of her eye she could see brightness unfold as gossamer fine wings appeared and gently bore her away from the ground and towards the sunlit glade.

‘What’s happening?’ Did she care? Really? Such peace!

‘This, my daughter, is your final metamorphosis. Come’ He held out his hand and guided her towards the light….

Thanks once again to Fandango for providing the inspiration for this story with his daily one word prompt.

Lisa x

 

Do Not Read This Post…

I mean it, walk away now please, it’s honestly for your own good. Read someone else’s blog or a book, do something in the garden or watch TV but do not, I beg you, read this post.

I mean it, walk away now please, it’s honestly for your own good. Read someone else’s blog or a book, do something in the garden or watch TV but do not, I beg you, read this post.

You’re reading it aren’t you? Why do we do that I wonder? Curiosity, morbid or otherwise, perhaps? It’s like when someone says ‘don’t think of a pink elephant’; what’s the first thing that pops into your mind? Yep you’ve got it! ‘Don’t’ is an instruction which gets our attention and ‘pink elephant’, the words that follow, become our focus and all of  sudden we can’t think of anything else other than rose tinted pachyderms.

Anyway, to get back to the point of all this………..

Imagine, if you will, that you have been locked in a room by a person or persons unknown; you went to bed last night and just woke up in this room. You have none of your personal effects other than your PJ’s and the room is completely bare. The walls floor and ceiling are all painted stark white. The only thing in this room in fact, other than you, is a large red button and on it are the words:

DO NOT PRESS

How long would it be before you pushed the button? 5 minutes? An hour? A day? How long would you retain your sanity if you didn’t press the button? You’re locked in a room with nothing to do, read, or listen to; you’d go crazy in no time wouldn’t you?

Pushing the button may cause an explosion that could result in your death but it could be the release for the door which would result in your freedom. Not pushing it means that nothing will change, as far as you know, you will be trapped for ever more in a sterile white box with nothing to do and no-one to talk to…..

What would you do?.

Of course all of this – the white room and the button – is just a metaphor for life.  Only by taking action will we see a change; it may be a positive change or it may be negative, we can never know, but isn’t it better than sitting in a sterile white room, doing nothing, waiting for the end of life or our sanity?

What do you think? I’d love to hear from you

Lisa x

Time to Put on My Big Girl Panties…

One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…

One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…

Instead of writing about the negative shit that I’ve been feeling lately (which I am sure contributes to the miseries), I am going to use this post to kick myself up the arse until I am back at the fork in the road again and can start walking on the path that leads to happiness. Here goes:

FearThe only thing that stops you having the life you want is fear and what is fear? It’s nothing more than a chemical reaction to the pictures that your imagination creates. That’s the equivalent of being scared by a movie for God’s sake! The really daft thing about it is that you don’t even have to watch the movie, you’ve written the script and chosen the images so change them! You are not Mystic Meg, you have no idea what the future will bring: essentially, you are scared of something which does not yet exist…….

The headaches, tiredness, tension in your shoulders? All caused by stress and stress is nothing more than worrying about something that may or may not happen. How will that serve you? Life will throw things at you, both good and bad, deal with them head on. Don’t waste time analysing and over-thinking because that will change diddly squat; it’s your actions that matter.

The fluttering in your stomach, heart beating faster? Those are the physical manifestations of fear BUT they are also the physical manifestations of excitement; you get EXACTLY those feelings when you’re having the time of your life on a jet ski or a motorbike; accept them as such. You are not scared of meeting new people or having new experiences, you are excited by it!

mind-reader-i-am-notIf you meet someone new and they don’t like you,  so what? It doesn’t mean that you are not fundamentally likeable, it’s just that you haven’t made a good connection with another human being. Why worry about it, there are another 7.5 billion other humans out there, go and make a connection with one of them. Anyway, why do you worry so much about what other people might think? You can’t know because you’re not a mind reader, you just imagine their thoughts based on your own negative self image. All this low self-esteem nonsense doesn’t come from other people, it comes from you; you don’t think you’re worth it, you don’t really like yourself so why should anyone else? Well, you know what? You are all you’re going to get, there isn’t another you on standby so focus on the good stuff….(this is the hard bit, deep breath)………

You are kind, intelligent, funny, compassionate, loyal and sincere. You have a beautiful smile. You are affectionate. You are loveable. You were loved by the most wonderful man in the World because you are worth loving. You are generous. You have an infectious laugh. You’re a good writer. You are honest. For all these reasons and more, you deserve to be happy; let yourself be happy Lisa…..

If you try something new you might not like it………..and? What’s worse – trying something new and not enjoying it or sitting around, feeling miserable and waiting for someone else to hand you a happy life on a plate? It doesn’t work like that Lisa, the only person who can change the way that you’re feeling at the moment is you! Stop hiding behind the excuses ‘I’m shy’, ‘I don’t have any self-confidence’, ‘I’m grieving’ because they are just that, they are things you tell yourself to justify your fears.

At the root of all of it, the fear of people leaving you because loss is what started all this in the first place. Think about this logically: if you don’t get close to anyone because you’re scared you’ll end up alone aren’t you creating a self-fulfilling prophesy? You push people away and hide from the World – that’s called being alone and it’s your choice but it’s not what you want so STOP IT!! Open up, be vulnerable, be yourself, love other people and let them love you, yes they may leave but they may not and, at the very least, you can enjoy the time that you spend with them NOW.

AcceptHere’s a final reminder before I kick your backside out the front door and into a better life: You don’t do regret, you never have because you can’t see any point in it. You can’t change the past, you did what you did and said what you said and that’s that.  So here’s my question for you: do you want to get to the end of your life, which could be in 20 years time or in the next 5 minutes, and think ‘I wish I had’? No? Didn’t think so……

This post was prompted by 3 things:

A comment from my lovely friend Tom

A comment from my best friend Will

A comment from the voice in my head (stop being so fucking miserable, in case you were wondering).

The desire to change my life, for the better, stemmed from words; they have such power don’t they? It’s just a case of knowing which ones to listen to….

I’m going to enjoy my day to day and I hope that you do the same :O)

Lisa x