Have you ever read something on the internet and thought ‘that just has to be a joke’ and then you realise that it isn’t and you start banging your head gently on the nearest hard surface and wondering when everyone went mad? It’s never anything major, just a little something which immediately brings to mind the immortal words of John McEnroe, “You cannot be serious!”
The latest of these seems to be an attempt to alter basic biology whilst at the same time making men feel guilty about something that is in no way their fault. It’s lauded as being a way to ‘bring colleagues together’. What am I talking about? The menopause. Apparently it should not be a ‘women only‘ issue. Hmmmmmm? How’s that going to work then?
Is someone going to follow all the men in the office with a portable steamer in hand and shove it down the front of their shirt every hour or so? Will their skin be given a good going over with sand paper and then blasted with salt every few days? Will they be woken up in the middle of the night by someone drenching them in warm water? Perhaps someone will invent a mood destabiliser that will take their emotional state from ‘I love you so much’ to ‘Will you stop annoying me! If you have to breathe do it quietly’ in a matter of minutes. There could be a scientists out their right now working out how to artificially dry out their lady bits……oh no wait they don’t have lady bits…….
Nope we can forget all that, apparently the way to bring colleagues together is for men to say ‘menopause’ during the working day, preferably 3 times; presumably they then click their red slippers and instantly have a hot flush. What the actual F is wrong with these people?????? Is there more to it than that you ask, well yes there is; does it make any more sense you’re wondering? No, it doesn’t.
The other thing menopausal women can do to help colleagues understand their symptoms is to jot them down in a communal book, I wonder how that would read?
“I just accidentally sat on a spider and now it’s dead, I can’t stop crying”
“If John from accounting doesn’t stop with that ridiculous laugh of his I’m going to go over there and force feed him his stapler”
“I’ve just taken off 4 of my 5 layers of clothing, my hair’s all over the place, I’m sweating, my face is like a boiled beetroot and someone just had a go at me for wearing my vest in the office…..and now I’m freezing, has anyone seen my jumper?”
“I think I’m going to have to stock up on my supply of KY jelly on the way home”
“My boobs are going to end up touching my navel at this rate”
“When did my skin start looking so old”
It could be one woman jotting all this down before lunchtime. Please tell me how it will be of any benefit at all to her male colleagues to have this kind of insight? Would the women in the office benefit from knowing, in lurid detail, the emotional and psychological problems caused by erectile disfunction? Perhaps companies could start a book for that:
“Vigorous stimulation last night caused slight friction burns and I think I’ve got a touch of RSI”
“Is it wrong that I only succeeded last night by visualising Joan in the warehouse, sitting on the forktruck in nothing but thigh high waders?”
Perhaps, instead, we should stop all of this bloody nonsense and remember that men and women are different and no amount of sharing or chanting the word ‘menopause’ 3 times a day is going to change that.
What do you think? Is this a forward thinking initiative or a load of old bollocks?
I’d love to hear from you :O)