You Should………

Do you find that, everywhere you look these days, there is someone telling you ‘you should’? There are millions of ads, books, magazine articles and, yes, blogs which all tell us how we ‘should’ be living our lives. Your glass ‘should’ be half full, you ‘should’ believe in yourself, keeping moving forward, take risks, get out of your comfort zone, be responsible for your own happiness……..

Do you find that, everywhere you look these days, there is someone telling you ‘you should’? There are millions of ads, books, magazine articles and, yes, blogs which all tell us how we ‘should’ be living our lives. Your glass ‘should’ be half full, you ‘should’ believe in yourself, keeping moving forward, take risks, get out of your comfort zone, be responsible for your own happiness……..

Most of the time I will read these messages avidly and try to tailor my thoughts and emotions so that I can keep my face towards the sunshine while the shadows fall behind me. I try to live as if I were going to die tomorrow and examine my life so I know it’s worth living. I bear in mind that problems are gifts that will help me to grow. I’ve read the books, watched the videos and walked across hot coals and, for the most part, it works…..

Today it’s not working. Today I think that I ‘should’ be with my husband and I have no other thought than that. No amount of mental arse-kicking will push me out of my comfort zone and into the oncoming traffic of rainbow coloured unicorns! It’s been more than four years now that I’ve done the things that I ‘should’, to feel better, to feel happy but still it all fails to take root. All it takes is a word, a song, a smell and I am plunged back into the stinking pit of pain and misery that kept me prisoner for so long.

“It is not my situation but how I react to it that matters”

Tomorrow would have been my husband’s 63rd birthday. We would have organised a night away in a hotel, a great bottle of wine, a fantastic meal. I would have spent weeks thinking about something original to buy him and he would have insisted on some kind of power tool, the same as he did every year. We would have dressed up to the nines and spent the evening together, no-one else, just the two of us……..

“Happiness is a choice, I can choose to be happy”

Instead, I feel as though my heart, that I have tried so carefully to put back together, is breaking into little pieces all over again. I ‘should’ be grateful for the good things I have in my life now, I ‘should’ remember that I was lucky to be so loved, I ‘should’ remember all our happy times together, I ‘should’ let you go so that I can move on.

There are lots of things that I ‘should’ do but today I can’t, I just can’t.

Lisa x

Author: FabFitFunFifty

For women over 50 who don't feel fifty

37 thoughts on “You Should………”

  1. Sometimes we have days like that. I have a lot of them myself. I take each day as it comes. I’m so happy you have shared this post. I feel so alone sometimes like I’m the only one that feels this way. Thank you for helping me to feel less lonely. It’s nice to that I don’t have to feel alone. Have a great day today! You are loved.

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  3. Bless you Lisa. You ‘should’ only be yourself. JUST as you feel. I am so sorry about your husband. I did not know. I so agree with all that you have said, and have said it in different ways on my own blog sometimes. Yes, we get fed ip with all those cup half full bits and pieces, and all the other stuff that we are fed to get over our pain. But sometimes we need to just be there in it. Yes, it passes, to a degree, but never completely. Mine doesn’t either, and some days I feel like screaming at having to be positive or whatever and see unicorns! Sorry you are having such a time Lisa. Hugs. X

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  5. You know what? I hate all the messaging about what we “should” do. It makes us feel like our live are supposed to be all pinterest-perfect and happy happy joy joy.
    Except life doesn’t work like that. Life is messy. People are complex. Nothing is ever one-note.
    If you can’t feel happy today, then that’s perfectly ok. You are coping with a loss, and loss hurts. If you can’t feel happy today, there is nothing wrong with feeling exactly what you’re feeling.
    (((hugs)))

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  6. I’m not in a position to give advice, only to wish you comfort. This post hits a nerve with me because I am entirely fed up with people forcing their opinions and beliefs on others. Opinions and advice should be given only when asked for. I recently had a situation where my mother’s friend had the audacity to tell my mother that she shouldn’t date because “she already had her true love” in my late father. It hurt her and pissed me off. You need to live, love, think, breathe and grieve your way. Peace

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  7. I think you should feel how you feel. End of story.

    Sorry for your loss. Hoping the memories help make his birthday a bit brighter even though he’s not there with you.

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  9. The worst “shoulds” are when someone says “you should move on,” or “you should be over it by now.” Grief comes on suddenly, sometimes for reasons known only to you. My husband passed away more than 5 years ago, but some days it seems more like 5 days ago. I hope you’re able to find comfort today in your memories. ❤

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